Grateful Student Defiled
An undergraduate has been found after more than a week, after getting herself trapped in a lever-arch file. The first year sociology student found herself ringbound, after accidentally closing the lever through her friendship bracelet – understood to have been given to her by another first year – and finding that she was trapped between the covers.
“I was trying to absorb some notes, but I think they absorbed me,” recounted the fresher, who will not be named. “I began to get delirious by the third day. It was very dark. And cold. After reading it several times, I started eating Durkheim. Then the Rousseau.”
She added: “The worst thing was all the fibre. It really caused me some problems later on.”
The student is not planning to file a complaint to the university. “I’m just scared it would happen again. My advice is: be careful what you accept from strangers at fresher’s week. Makes you think, doesn’t it? Luckily I do sociology, so I didn’t actually miss any lectures, or seminars, or anything. Plus, I’ve done all my autumn reading now, so I suppose it worked out for the best.”
The student is understood to have showered, and is now a little fresher.
